The Muslim Home – 40 Recommendations by Sheikh Munajjid
Not raising one’s gaze to the heavens
The Prophet (saws) forbade us to do this and issued a warning against it. He said: “When any one of you is praying, he should not lift his gaze to the heavens, lest he lose his sight” (Reported by Ahmad, 5/294; Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 762).
According to another report, he said: “What is wrong with people who lift their gaze to the heavens whilst they are praying?” According to another report, he said: “that they raise their gaze when they make du’a’ during salat?” (Reported by Muslim, no. 429).
He spoke out strongly against it, to the extent that he said, “Let them stop it, or their eyesight will be taken away” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, 5/258; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5574).
Not spitting in front of one when praying
This is incompatible with khushoo’ and good manners before Allah. The Prophet (saws) said: “When any one of you is praying, let him not spit in front of himself, for Allah is before him when he prays” (Reported by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh, no. 397).
He also said: “When any one of you stands up to pray, he should not spit in front of himself, because he is talking to Allah – may He be blessed and exalted – as long as he is in his prayer place; and he should not [spit] to his right because there is an angel on his right. He should spit to his left, or beneath his feet, and bury it” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 416, 1/512).
He said: “When one of you stands to pray, he is talking to his Lord, and his Lord is between him and the Qiblah, so none of you should spit in the direction of his Qiblah, but to his left or under his feet” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath al-Baari, no. 417, 1/513).
If the mosque is furnished with carpets and so on, as is the norm nowadays and a person needs to spit, he can take out a handkerchief or whatever, spit into it, and put it away again.
Trying not to yawn when praying
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “If any one of you feels the urge to yawn during prayer, let him suppress it as much as he can, lest the Shaytan enter . . .” (Reported by Muslim, 4/2293). If the Shaytan enters, he will be more able to disturb the worshiper’s khushoo’ in addition to laughing at him when he yawns.
Not putting one’s hands on one’s hips when praying
Abu Hurayrah said: “The Messenger of Allah (saws) forbade putting the hands on the hips during prayer” (Reported by Abu Dawood, no. 947; Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab al-‘Aml fi’l-Salaah, Baab al-Hadhr fi’l-Salaah).
Ziyaad ibn Subayh al-Hanafi said: “I prayed beside Ibn ‘Umar and I put my hand on my hip, but he struck my hand. When he had finished praying, he said, “This is crossing in prayer. The Messenger of Allah (saws) used to forbid this” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, 2/106 and others. Classed as Saheeh by al-Haafiz al-‘Iraaqi in Takhreej al-Ihyaa’. See al-Irwaa’, 2/94).
It was reported that the Prophet (saws) said that this posture is how the people of Hell rest; we seek refuge with Allah from that (Reported by al-Bayhaqi from Abu Hurayrah. Al-‘Iraaqi said, its isnaad appears to be Saheeh).
Not letting one’s clothes hang down (sadl) during prayer
It was reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) forbade letting one’s clothes hang down during prayer or for a man to cover his mouth (Reported by Abu Dawood, no. 643; Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 6883. He said, this is a hasan hadeeth).
In ‘Awn al-Ma’bood (2/347) al-Khattaabi said: “Al-sadl: letting one’s clothes hang down all the way to the ground.” It was reported in Marqaat al-Mafaateeh (2/236): “Al-sadl is completely forbidden because it has to do with showing off, and in prayer it is even worse.” The author of al-Nihaayah said: “It means wrapping oneself up in one’s garment, leaving one’s hands inside and bowing and prostrating in it.” It was said that the Jews used to do this. It was also said that al-sadl meant putting the garment over one’s head or shoulders, and letting its edges come down in front and over one’s upper arms, so that a person will be preoccupied in taking care of it, which reduces khushoo’, unlike garments that are tied up properly or buttoned, which do not dist ract the worshiper or affect his khushoo’. These kinds of clothes are still to be found nowadays in some parts of Africa and elsewhere, and in the way some Arabian cloaks are worn, which distract the worshiper and keep him busy adjusting them, retying them if they become loose and so on. This should be avoided.
The reason why it is forbidden to cover one’s mouth was explained by the scholars as being because that prevents a person from reciting Qur’an and doing sujood properly. (Marqaat al-Mafaateeh, 2/236).
Not resembling animals
Allah has honored the son of Adam and created him in the best way, so it is shameful for the son of Adam to resemble or imitate animals. We have been forbidden to resemble or imitate a number of postures or movements of animals when we pray because that is contrary to khushoo’ or because it is ugly and does not befit the worshiper who is praying. For example, it was reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) forbade three things in prayer: pecking like a crow, spreading one’s forearms like a carnivore, or always praying in the same place like a camel keeping to its own territory. (Reported by Ahmad, 3/428).
It was said that when a man always prays in the same place in the mosque, making it his own, it is like a camel keeping to its own territory. (Al-Fath al-Rabaani, 4/91).
According to another report: “He forbade me to peck like a cockerel, to sit like a dog or to turn like a fox.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, 2/311; Saheeh al-Targheeb, no. 556).
This is what we were able to mention about the means of attaining khushoo’, so that we may strive for them, and about the things that detract from khushoo’, so that we can avoid them.
Good manners at home
Spreading kindness in the home
‘A’isha (ra) said: “The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘When Allah – may He be glorified – wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them’” (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/71; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 303).
According to another report: “When Allah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.” (Reported by Ibn Abi al-Dunya and others; Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 1704). In other words, they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet (saws) said: “Allah loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else” (Reported by Muslim, Kitaab al-Birr wa’l-Sillah wa’l-Aadaab, no. 2592).
Helping one’s wife with the housework
Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work.
The Messenger of Allah (saws), however, used to “sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes, and do whatever other work men do in their homes” (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4927).
This was said by his wife ‘A’isha (ra), when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allah (saws) used to do in his house; her response described what she herself had seen. According to another report, she said: “He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe, and serve himself” (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671).
She (ra) was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah (saws) used to do in his house, and she said, “He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 2/162).
If we were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:
- We would be following the example of the Prophet (saws)
- We would be helping our wives
- We would feel more humble, not arrogant.
Some men demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove and the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child or wait a little while for the food. Let these ahadeeth be a reminder and a lesson.
Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family.
Showing affection towards one’s wife and children is one of the things that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus the Messenger of Allah (saws) advised Jaabir to marry a virgin, saying, “Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?” (The hadeeth is reported in a number of places in the Saheehayn, such as al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 9/121). The Prophet (saws) also said: “Everything in which Allah’s name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife…” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i in ‘Ushrat al-Nisa’, p. 87; also in Saheeh al-Jaami’). The Prophet (saws) used to treat his wife ‘A’isha affectionately when doing ghusl with her, as she (ra) said: “The Messenger of Allah and I used to do ghusl together from one vessel, and he would pretend to take all the water so that I would say, ‘Leave some for me, leave some for me,’” – and both of them were in a state of janaabah (impurity). (Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 4/6).
The ways in which the Prophet (saws) showed affection towards young children are too famous to need mentioning. He often used to show his affection towards Hasan and Husayn, as mentioned above. This is probably one of the reason why the children used to rejoice when he came back from traveling; they would rush to welcome him, as reported in the Saheeh hadeeth: “Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would be taken out to meet him.” He (saws) used to hug them close to him, as ‘Abd-Allah ibn Jafar said: “Whenever the Prophet (saws) came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Medina” (Saheeh Muslim, 4/1885-2772; see the commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56).
Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there are no truthful jokes [i.e, jokes that do not involve lying], no affection, and no mercy. Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should read the following hadeeth: from Abu Hurayrah (ra) who said: “The Messenger of Allah (saws) kissed al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali, and al-Aqra’ ibn Haabis al-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra’ said: ‘I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them. ‘ The Messenger of Allah (saws) looked at him and said: ‘The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’”
Choosing a good location and design of home
No doubt the true Muslim pays attention to the choice and design of a home in ways that others do not.
With regard to location, for example:
- The home should be close to a mosque. This has obvious advantages: the call to prayer will remind people of prayer and wake them up for it; living close to the mosque will enable men to join the congregational prayers, women to listen to the Qur’an recitation and dhikr over the mosque’s loudspeakers, and children to join study-circles for memorization of Qur’an, and so on.
- The home should not be in a building where there are immoral people, or in a compound where kuffar live and where there is a mixed swimming pool and so on.
- The house should not overlook others or be overlooked; if it is, he should put up curtains and make walls and fences higher.
With regard to design and lay out, for example:
- He should pay attention to the matter of segregating men and women when non-mahrams come to visit, e. g. separate entrances and sitting areas. If that cannot be done, then use should be made of curtains, screens, and so on.
- Covering windows, so that neighbors or people in the street will not be able to see who is in the house, especially at night when the lights are on.
- The toilets should not be sited in such a way that one faces the Qiblah when using them.
Choosing a spacious house with plenty of amenities.
- This is for a number of reasons:
- “Allah loves to see the signs of His blessings on His slave” (Hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2819 hasan hadeeth).
“There are three elements of happiness and three elements of misery. The elements of happiness are: a righteous wife, who when you see her she pleases you, and when you are absent from her you feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your wealth; a compliant riding-beast that helps you to keep up with your companions; and a house that is spacious and has plenty of amenities. The elements of misery are: a wife who when you see her you feel upset, she keeps attacking you verbally, and when you are absent from her you do not feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your wealth; a stubborn riding-beast that if whip it, you get tired, and if you do not whip it, it does not help you to keep up with your companions; and a house with few amenities” (Hadeeth narrated by al-Haakim, 3/262; Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 3056).
Pay attention to health-related matters such as ventilation, natural light, and so on
Choosing the neighbor before the house
This is a matter which has to be singled out for discussion because of its importance. Nowadays neighbors have more impact on one another, because houses are closer together and people live together in buildings, apartments and compounds.
The Messenger of Allah (saws) told us of four causes of happiness, one of which is a righteous neighbor, and four causes of misery, one of which is a bad neighbor. (Reported by Abu Na’eem in al-Hilyah, 8/388; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 887).
Because of the seriousness of the latter, the Prophet (saws) used to seek refuge with Allah from bad neighbors in his du’a’: “Allahumma innee a’oodhu bika min jaar al-soo’ fi daar il-muqaamah fa inna jaar al-baadiyah yatahawwil (O Allah, I seek refuge with You from a bad neighbor in my permanent home, for the neighbor in the desert [i.e. on a journey] moves on).” He commanded the Muslims to seek refuge with Allah from a bad neighbor in a permanent home because the neighbor in the desert will eventually move on. (Reported by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, no. 117; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2967).
There is no room here to talk about the influence a bad neighbor may have on a couple and their children or the kinds of nuisance he can cause or the misery of living next to him. But applying these ahadeeth quoted above to one’s own life should be sufficient for the one who is possessed of understanding. Another practical solution is that implemented by some good people who rent neighboring homes for their families, so as to solve the neighbor problem. This may be an expensive solution, but a good neighbor is priceless.
Paying attention to necessary repairs in the home, and making sure that the amenities are in good working order
Among the blessings of Allah in this modern age are the “mod cons” that He has bestowed upon us which make many things easier and save time, such as air-conditioners, fridges, washing-machines, and so on. It is wise to have the best quality of appliances that one can afford without being extravagant or putting oneself under financial strain. We should also be careful to distinguish between useful extras and extravagant additions that have no real value.
Part of caring for the home includes fixing appliances and amenities that break down. Some people neglect these things, and their wives complain about homes crawling with vermin, with overflowing drains and piles of stinking garbage, filled with broken and worn out furniture.
No doubt this is one of the obstacles to happiness in the home, and causes problems in the marriage and health problems. The smart person is the one who hastens to fix these things.
Paying attention to the family’s health and safety procedures
When any member of his family got sick, the Messenger of Allah (saws) would blow on them and recite al-Mi’wadhatayn (last two Surahs of the Qur’an). (Reported by Muslim, no. 2192).
When one of his family members got sick, he would call for soup, and it would be made for him, then he would tell them to drink it, and he would say, “It will strengthen the heart of the one who is grieving and cleanse (heal) the heart of the one who is sick just as any one of you wipes the dirt from her face” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2039; Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 4646).
One of the ways of taking safety precautions is:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “When evening comes, keep your children inside, for the Shaytans (devils) spread out at that time. Then when an hour of the night has passed, let your children go, lock the doors and mention the name of Allah, cover your pots and mention the name of Allah, even if you only place a stick across the top of your vessel, and extinguish your lamps.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 10/88-89).
According to a report narrated by Muslim, he (saws) said: “Lock your doors, cover your vessels, extinguish your lamps and tie your knots properly [i.e., cover your jugs properly – in those days they would cover them with a piece of cloth and tie it], for the Shaytan does not open a door that is closed, or uncover something that is covered, or untie a knot that you tie. And the mouse could set the house on fire (i.e. it could pull out the wick of the lamp and set the house on fire)” (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 3/103); Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1080).
The Prophet (saws) said: “Do not leave fires lit in your houses when you go to sleep.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 11/85).
And Allah knows best. May Allah bless our Prophet Muhammad(sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) .
Book by Sheikh Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid
Courtesy: www.everymuslim.co.za
