To my Deaf child
I have written this article to motivate mothers with deaf children who are feeling down and almost giving up, to motivate them to carry on persevering as there is always hope where there is faith. This article is also written to make others aware of how mothers are struggling to survive with their deaf children, so that parents with normal hearing children could understand a world from the other side.
“Dedication to my wonderful mother and mothers of Deaf children throughout the world, you are very special indeed!!!”
Very often, I looked up high at the twinkling night sky and searched for the beauty. I then thanked Allah for giving me another day of hope and courage. I am married to a wonderful man for many years. I was barren for many years yet I lived with hope and faith and I was surrounded with love and courage from my husband, friends and family. I always felt hurt when I see young mothers carrying their babies. I felt very different from them. When they asked “when I am going to have a child?”. It hurt because they did not understand. At times, I felt they tried to mock me.
I could not give an answer as there were pangs of hurt in my throat and I became speechless.
On this night, I still looked up high in the sky and searched for the beauty and thanked Allah that I was going to become a mother eventually.
I prayed that my motherhood would be a wonderful and joyous experience.
I had this wish and how wonderful that my Allah granted me this blessing. Today, I have this dream and my dream turned out to be so true. I am able to give the answers to other mothers that I have my own child. There will be bubbles of laughter and joy in my words!
Ironically, there was no beauty and the moon in the sky was not to be seen the night I gave birth. It was such a miserable night. It was pouring heavily. The fierce wind howled towards my ears which made me fearful. I could not bear the bright lightning. The thunderstorm permeated every part of my body. This was only blackness in the sky!
Suddenly, there was a loud roll of thunder which excited my unborn baby and there was a huge pain within me. My husband rushed me to the hospital. My barren life always linked to the beauty of night where I always searched beauty on the balcony but tonight my happiness was drowned out by the miserable storm!
I was feeling very thrilled to see my beautiful baby who erased my thoughts of the weather. I was so happy and the best gift that I could have. I was very reluctant to see my future as a motherhood. I was very excited to look forward to my new experience. For the very first time in my life I know what it meant to give birth. It was very painful yet a but so much pain brought such overwhelming euphoria.
I imagined that I will see my daughter growing up, going to school and university and become a professional lady. I could not wait to speak to her and hear her voice. I would want to tell her how I longed for her to be part of my empty life.
I stared at my young daughter and searched for her beauty. Her hair was as black as coal and her cheeks were as red as the rose. Her features were as lovely as a delicate flower. Her beauty was rare for me. I have found happiness! She is my very life.
Her tone of voice was so sweet but I only heard for a very short while when she was growing. When she turned 1 year old, I realized her silence. She did not speak nor reacted to any sounds. I did not take it seriously but to clear my doubts, I took her to a specialist.
I’ve been shattered and heartbroken when I’ve been told that she was “Deaf”. A “Deaf” child, a “Disabled” child that I have which I could not accept totality. I was deeply hurt. I became angry with God and the world. I was envious of other mothers who have normal children. I felt very unfair and there was coldness within me.
I felt my daughter is a stranger to me. The tone of her voice is so awkward, she could not speak, she could not hear and I could not understand her. I was barren for many years and now this further disappointment. I wanted the most beautiful child in the whole world! I lost my hope! I lost my happiness! I lost everything!
I wept bitterly and I was deeply hurt. I looked up high in the sky and asked Allah for strength and courage that I wanted to gain. To my surprise, I saw the beauty in the sky, there was a huge full moon and twinkling stars smiling at me! I retrieved my first sight that when I was about to give the birth of my baby, there was a fierce thunderstorm.
This shocking news linked to this beautiful night and I finally understood the paradox meaning of my fate, I had the message…
A new life began within me. I’ve met many parents of deaf children; we supported one another. They are wonderful and caring friends of mine. I watched my daughter as she communicated with her deaf friends and teachers in Sign Language. She has a world of silence. Her hands are her voice, her eyes are her ears. She sees the expression of human, she feels the sounds and she watches the action of nature. I fell in love with her beauty because her silent language has the beauty, her silent life has the beauty and she has the beauty within herself. She brought the beauty to my life!
I’ve been deserted by my family, perhaps they are not comfortable with my Deaf child and the cousins hardly communicate with her in Sign Language but I am prepared to challenge against them and be the best friend of my beautiful deaf daughter. I am still educating others what it’s like to be Deaf and Deafness is not the opposite of hearing as many seem to think but silence with full of sound! I accepted her as a Deaf child. I was prepared to share her my love and was willing to understand her. I was prepared to communicate with her in Sign Language.
I interpret for her whenever necessary, when my family socialize with her and I will always interpret for her so that she can live with love, in harmony and with fairness to make sure that she will never feel oppressed and lonely. I am prepared to go on living as a very good mother to my loving and beautiful daughter who cannot hear and speak and who has her own beautiful special world of silence!